Some of you may have wondered what happened with me a couple of days ago after reading my blog post about friendship. It was a temporary friction between me and this friend – which is now settled; however it continued being a friction between me and myself.
Reading Neysa’s post about the difference of Best Friend, Friend, Acquaintance (this is a direct translation of the word ‘Kenalan’), and ‘Someone I know or I have met’ made me think of the people in my life: who are they, who are they for me, and who am I for them.
I am blessed with the fact that I have met and known so many nice, crazy, and happy people in my life. They cheer me up when I am down. They help when I need it. They listen (or read) my rumble, my tweet or my blog posts. Some of them understand when I am in a terrible mood, especially when Ms. PMS visits me once a month.
However, the problem I had earlier this year and Neysa’s post, made me think about my relationship with them. I think of them as my friends, but do they think the same way, too?
Before reading Neysa’s post, I had made my own classification of people in my life:
Let’s start from the bottom.
I have not yet travelled all around the world, but I have visited so many places that I met new people, made new friends, and managed to keep in touch with some of them. These people are categorized in ‘Someone I know or have met in the past’. With these people, I just added them as Friends on Facebook, if they are nice to chat with, I would add them as my contacts on my messengers, and that’s it! Everything between me and these people are purely basa-basi, chitchat, small talks, and nothing attached! Why? Because there is a small chance I will meet them again. If I ever meet them again, like maybe my friends from my elementary school, the things I’d say will be: “hey how are you?”, “what’s up?” “are you married? Have babies? Getting married?” “what’s your job?”.
Hangout or happy-happy friends are people who I met at school, universities, church, or other institutions, and manage to keep both offline and online touch. We would sometimes go out for a drink, have dinner, watch movies, or chat and exchange comments on social media. Everything between me and these people is often dominated by small talks; however, since we may have shared something in common, like studying at the same university, or used to work at the same company/restaurant, we would discuss something related to issues we have in common. It could be school assignments, our ex-bosses who were funny, our ex-colleagues who would be getting married, etc. But, there is no commitment attached. I would not put any emotional attachment to this relationship.
Friends are people who have stuck with me for numbers of years. They are not only happy-happy friends, but they also those who will listen to my stories, my sadness, my happiness, my success stories, my bad days. They are those with whom I can spend hours to chitchat or to chat online, just to talk about nothing. These friends can be relied to and turned to when I need them (or when they need me) – but, here is the catch, not 100%. There are ‘friends’, who suddenly wouldn’t call you or hang out with you anymore when she has a new boyfriend, or when they go to study abroad, suddenly no more chat, no more phone calls, nothing! There was time when I was so disappointed with these ‘friends’, saying “I thought you were my friend”. Actually, yes, they are! They are just friend. Hence they cannot be 100% reliable. If they don’t have time for you, they don’t have time for you!
Then, we go to a higher level: best friends. When you say best (something), it can only be one, right? The best movie, the best restaurant, the best wine, and the best friend. However, for me, there can be more than one best friend. I guess, my reasoning that I have travelled and temporarily stayed in several countries and places, makes me find new best friends every time I visit a place. Being a citizen of the world and having several best friends, you just know that these best friends are always there for you; and you for them. I have this best friend. We met when we were in junior high (it’s like 14 years ago), but we are still best friends. Sometimes, we didn’t contact each other for a while – no emails, no phone calls, no sms – but suddenly, when we met, we could just still talk for ages. Another thing about being there, when I f-up, and I called her to tell my f-stories, she just listened. She didn’t judge, but she would tell me when she thought I was stupid. She was just honest. These are the people that I will remember when I pray, I will remember when I heard or read something about the place they are at (like with my best friends in Aceh), and I will cry for and spend time for. One difference between best friends and family is secret. There are few secrets that I don’t dare to admit to my best friends, just because I don’t feel secure to tell them. But when the time is right, I’d tell them everything.
And family, yes, if I can be bluntly honest with you, and you with me, and we could still love each other no matter what, that’s family. The best friends who are not only spiritually but also physically present, and who will love you no matter what – no excuses, no buts, no requirements – are family. I used to have my little family, but I guess I screwed it up a bit.
Continue to Family or Nothing At All? - Part 2 (soon, very soon)
Reading Neysa’s post about the difference of Best Friend, Friend, Acquaintance (this is a direct translation of the word ‘Kenalan’), and ‘Someone I know or I have met’ made me think of the people in my life: who are they, who are they for me, and who am I for them.
I am blessed with the fact that I have met and known so many nice, crazy, and happy people in my life. They cheer me up when I am down. They help when I need it. They listen (or read) my rumble, my tweet or my blog posts. Some of them understand when I am in a terrible mood, especially when Ms. PMS visits me once a month.
However, the problem I had earlier this year and Neysa’s post, made me think about my relationship with them. I think of them as my friends, but do they think the same way, too?
Before reading Neysa’s post, I had made my own classification of people in my life:
- Family
- Best Friends
- Friends (including online friends)
- Hangout/Happy-happy Friends
- Someone I know or have met in the past
Let’s start from the bottom.
I have not yet travelled all around the world, but I have visited so many places that I met new people, made new friends, and managed to keep in touch with some of them. These people are categorized in ‘Someone I know or have met in the past’. With these people, I just added them as Friends on Facebook, if they are nice to chat with, I would add them as my contacts on my messengers, and that’s it! Everything between me and these people are purely basa-basi, chitchat, small talks, and nothing attached! Why? Because there is a small chance I will meet them again. If I ever meet them again, like maybe my friends from my elementary school, the things I’d say will be: “hey how are you?”, “what’s up?” “are you married? Have babies? Getting married?” “what’s your job?”.
Hangout or happy-happy friends are people who I met at school, universities, church, or other institutions, and manage to keep both offline and online touch. We would sometimes go out for a drink, have dinner, watch movies, or chat and exchange comments on social media. Everything between me and these people is often dominated by small talks; however, since we may have shared something in common, like studying at the same university, or used to work at the same company/restaurant, we would discuss something related to issues we have in common. It could be school assignments, our ex-bosses who were funny, our ex-colleagues who would be getting married, etc. But, there is no commitment attached. I would not put any emotional attachment to this relationship.
Friends are people who have stuck with me for numbers of years. They are not only happy-happy friends, but they also those who will listen to my stories, my sadness, my happiness, my success stories, my bad days. They are those with whom I can spend hours to chitchat or to chat online, just to talk about nothing. These friends can be relied to and turned to when I need them (or when they need me) – but, here is the catch, not 100%. There are ‘friends’, who suddenly wouldn’t call you or hang out with you anymore when she has a new boyfriend, or when they go to study abroad, suddenly no more chat, no more phone calls, nothing! There was time when I was so disappointed with these ‘friends’, saying “I thought you were my friend”. Actually, yes, they are! They are just friend. Hence they cannot be 100% reliable. If they don’t have time for you, they don’t have time for you!
Then, we go to a higher level: best friends. When you say best (something), it can only be one, right? The best movie, the best restaurant, the best wine, and the best friend. However, for me, there can be more than one best friend. I guess, my reasoning that I have travelled and temporarily stayed in several countries and places, makes me find new best friends every time I visit a place. Being a citizen of the world and having several best friends, you just know that these best friends are always there for you; and you for them. I have this best friend. We met when we were in junior high (it’s like 14 years ago), but we are still best friends. Sometimes, we didn’t contact each other for a while – no emails, no phone calls, no sms – but suddenly, when we met, we could just still talk for ages. Another thing about being there, when I f-up, and I called her to tell my f-stories, she just listened. She didn’t judge, but she would tell me when she thought I was stupid. She was just honest. These are the people that I will remember when I pray, I will remember when I heard or read something about the place they are at (like with my best friends in Aceh), and I will cry for and spend time for. One difference between best friends and family is secret. There are few secrets that I don’t dare to admit to my best friends, just because I don’t feel secure to tell them. But when the time is right, I’d tell them everything.
And family, yes, if I can be bluntly honest with you, and you with me, and we could still love each other no matter what, that’s family. The best friends who are not only spiritually but also physically present, and who will love you no matter what – no excuses, no buts, no requirements – are family. I used to have my little family, but I guess I screwed it up a bit.
Continue to Family or Nothing At All? - Part 2 (soon, very soon)
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