25 January 2013

The unexpected wedding


Almost every girl has ever dreamt of her wedding day – what she would wear, who would come, who the prince charming is. I would say, every girl must have a certain expectation and standard when it comes to a wedding: it could be grand, small celebration, family only, destination wedding – you name it.

My dream wedding happens to me a small, close friends and family only wedding. If you grew up in the 90s, you would know a boy band called 98 degree. They had a song titled ‘I do’. If you search on YouTube, you will find the video clip, which shows a beautiful wedding ceremony. That’s my dream wedding! My whole life, I was picturing that.

Twelve years ago, I started dating this guy, who is now my husband. His family background is very different than mine. Among other things – which we thankfully have tolerated and worked on – the way to throw a wedding party is totally different. His dream wedding party is ‘tell the world I am getting married’-kind of party. Yes, he wanted grand, big, many people!

If you were me, would you reconsider this guy just because of his preference in throwing a wedding party?

I actually did reconsider for a split second, but I felt really silly. Why should I doubt him? The wedding is just a one-day celebration that will happen just like that. So, after several discussions, a lot of fights, and a couple of crying and shouting (it happened over the years, though, we have dated for 12 years :P), we finally settled on a medium-size wedding party.

I was quite happy with the agreement that we settled. Seeing many wedding movies, attending many wedding parties, I thought, I think it’d be nice to be a princess for a day.

Just right after I felt it might turn out to be ok, the drama happened!

Well, first of all to convince both parents to limit the number of guests is seriously a difficult job. Although my parents agreed with my style – small but enjoyable – they couldn’t simply limit the number of their guests: this aunt has to be invited; this neighbor has to be invited because he invited my parents when his daughter got married; an uncle of an uncle must be invited to respect him, and many more names and excuses.

Dealing with the in-laws should come as a separate chapter in any wedding preparation 101. I tried to understand their position being a well-respected family, successful businessman, but there were things that made me want to bang my head on the wall. Almost did.

Okay, guest list was one of the main problems. Another main problem was a reversed culture shock. I found it difficult to deal with the Indonesians, who left things until last minute. To be honest, most of the wedding vendors I had to deal with had this characteristic. It was a big issue for me, coming fresh from a country that keeps planning for everything – from drinking coffee until visiting your neighbor, from spring house-cleaning until how and when to commute.

Second is lack of initiative. Many vendors were kind of waiting for us, or waiting to be told, instead of taking actions. This problem happened mainly with the event organizer.

If I could summarize, the wedding preparation was started to be exciting, then it changed me into a very defensive person - trying to defend and realize my ideal wedding part, and it ended with I don’t give a damn attitude!

Sadly, with this attitude I walked in the aisle and vowed to be a faithful wife to my beloved husband. Guilty? No, I felt weak, defeated, cheated, hopeless, yet happy.

The saddest thing was, before the wedding, I had looked my fiancée-then in the eye, I cried, begged him if he could have done something to alter this reality. He was as powerless as I was.

Yet he chose to let go and be happy.

And I chose to be bitter and wanted revenge. I don’t know from whom I would get revenge on.

Maybe there was the problem.


9 January 2013

Indonesia, married, new house, and more

Well, when was the last time I wrote something in my blog.

*see the blog post below and be amazed!*

One and only excuse would be because I just went through such a hectic period of my life. Okay, let me went through it quickly and hope you enjoy the ride.

September 2012
I left Holland, the country that has given me so much love and experience and moved back to Indonesia, the country to which I belong. It was quite an easy transition. I'd always longed to go back to my home town. Living in with my parents again was not that difficult (having been living myself for 9 years, I was expecting drama !), I reckon it's because I didn't really see them that often, due to my busy schedule. 

October 2012
Whilst I was extremely busy and feeling dramatic preparing our wedding, I was blessed (or may be not so blessed) with a new job. The job was offered when I was still in Holland. My manager shared my homecoming to his fellow managers in Asia. It appeared that one Marketing Communication staff was going on maternity leave and needed a replacement. So, here I was, being Asian and having the knowledge about the company and department, a perfect fit for the vacancy. 

The arrangement was even more a blessing. I was allowed to work from home and stay connected to the rest of Asia Pacific merely through internet (God bless the internet inventors!) So, since then, I have been working from home. It was such a beneficial arrangement, because I could combine work and wedding organizing.

November 2012
Was probably the most stressful month of 2012. Invitations had to be ready, other little things have to be finalized, yet I also had some work deadlines to meet. Oh, I almost forgot to mention about the new house, which was at this time still in the finalizing process (like 20-30% to go). So wedding, new house, and new job were the perfect combination to have nervous breakdown. A little secret from me, I already thought to cancel the whole wedding once, or maybe twice. 

December 2012
Well, we passed the darkest month, and Stefy and I got married! To be quite frankly, it wasn't the dream wedding I've always wanted, but what the hell, I married the man I've always wanted. We moved into our new home 1 week after the wedding (and in this 1 week, we stayed in a hotel close to the new home). We didn't have honeymoon, in fact we both went back to work 2 days after the wedding (Stefy had to work the evening after the wedding party :( ). We had our first Christmas as husband and wife. 

January 2013
New year, new home, new challenge, new everything! There will be many new things happening and many new things to be bought for the new home. You'd be surprised to see how empty our new home is. 

Let me get back to you with some more updates!

I think I'll write about my wedding in my next post(s).