26 February 2010

Cold Feet

One of my closest friends is getting married tomorrow
another one in May
another one in November.
and an ex-classmate is also getting married in April/May.

and, I dreamed about getting married last night.

I remember some months ago I was so enthusiastic with the idea of getting married. Although I knew that our relationship was not yet ready for that stage, I was so pushy to Stefy. I had asked him when exactly we would get married. Ah well, it was all the flashy things that I longed for.

Right now, what I want is to avoid it!

I am just not brave enough to throw myself into this new status. Don't get me wrong, I am probably just like any other girls out there who like the beautiful wedding gown, like to be made up, like to be the queen of the night.

But, have you ever considered what would happen after you wave off the guests and head to your own home, starting your new chapter of life? or what would happen after the happy chappy honeymoon?

Would we then live happily ever after?

I don't know.

I didn't go to school for that.

I have Bachelor and Master degree in Communication Management, but my boyfriend and I still ocassionally have miscommunication problem.

I don't have a degree in marriage life.

I don't have the formula of a successful marriage life.

What if I failed?
What if I couldn't be the wife my husband expected?
What if I would be the most awful Mom ever?
What if our relationship wouldn't work?
What if marriage is just a status and I should have not opted for that?

During my study, when you failed, you could take the resit, or if you suffered really bad, you could redo the class next year. Could you do that with marriage? Are there resits?

Broken Relationship

I sometimes wonder what's God's genious plan for me by showing me these broken relations I have seen in this 2 - 3 years?

I have a friend that decided to end her marriage because "it didn't work". I also saw some men cheated on their spouses, and in result damaged their marriages. There is also a woman I met, who said that she is ready if one day she has to get divorced (WTH?? At that stage their relationship has just begun and nothing happened! So, why even mention 'divorce'??). I saw some couple who rushed to get married and now regretted their decisions, saying "we should have dated a bit longer."

Please tell me that I just have this cold-feet syndrome that every couple would face when it is time to get married.

And I guess everyone has his own battle. If God allows us to get married, I guess He would guide us and be with us in time of need. Toch?

I hope I don't scare people with this writing. But, like me, I guess we really need to prepare our relationship and our heart, mind, and soul to enter this stage.

I hope we are brave enough to say "no" or "wait" to our partner when we feel that we are not yet ready to get married.
I hope we dare to ignore when people tell us to get married because of our age, or because of our status.
I hope we have enough dignity to not marry a man or a woman just because of their money, status, appearance.
And I hope we have God, friends, and family that can encourage us in time of cold-feet syndrome :P

23 February 2010

The New Beginning of the End

It's been officially a month that I am back here in Holland, back from my (too) long holiday.
And yesterday was approximately two months that I was looking for a job - and now I found it!

I started my job yesterday, unexpectedly.

Let me tell you the story how I got this job.

I started looking for a job in the month of November, when I knew for sure that my contract in my previous job would not be extended. First application letter was sent University of Tilburg, just before my holiday (and in result, I was called for the first interview, two days before my holiday).

Three days after my arrival in Holland, I attended the second interview. I was really hoping to get the job. But yeah, it didn't happen. Instead of being upset and disappointed, I have learned from that experience and sent even more application letters. I applied mostly to NGO and non commercial organisations.

After some weeks of trying to apply for normal job, and didn't get any calls; I decided to shift. I then tried to apply for intern position.

The good news came. I got few job interviews following my applications, but they were not very promising - not as in job challenges, but the salary.

When I was about to accept a job offer as an intern, I received a Facebook message from a colleague working at the Indonesian Embassy in the Hague.

To cut long story short, they needed someone who could act as PR/event organiser/Master of Ceremony.

And I cannot think of anyone else but ME! :P


So, that's the short version story of my job hunting attempt.

I started working at the embassy yesterday. Today is gonna be another fun day at the embassy.

I cannot thank God enough for His guidance, leading me to the right path, for giving me patience, and for giving me the right job challenge along with the right salary. Although the salary is not that much, if compared to what 'normal' employee would earn, but it is enough. I believe it is.

Thanks peepz for all your support, prayers, and encouragement.

I guess this job might be the new beginning of our (Stefy and I) journey in Holland. When this job is done, when Stefy's job is done (yes, Stefy's contract was extended), and when our ID expired, we'll go home.

If God's willing

19 February 2010

I Hope You Dance

"One of the best lyric ever written these days." (Randy Jackson, AI Season 9).

When Mr Jackson said this, I rushed to find out the song he meant. It's I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack. Indeed, the lyric is exceptional. It has a very deep meaning and also encouraging.

I hope you like it too.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

16 February 2010

Kau Bukan Untukku

I was streaming to an online radio from Surabaya, while I was checking my e-mail and (again) job-hunting, and this very song was played.

Ah, this song, I said to myself.

The lyric reminded me of him: he-who-shall-not-be-named. It's been a while that we didn't bump into each other in the online world. He would sometime reply my tweet, but I tried to ignore him. I have promised myself to not get involved in anything related to him. I appeared offline to him. I deleted him from my BBM. It's about time to do something radical like this, toch?

But, I cannot help to recall his name when this song was played in the radio. So, please allow me to share this song. I dedicate this old song to him (if he ever came across this blog).

Kau Bukan Untukku
By: Andre Hehanusa

Aku tak percaya
Secepat itu semua berjalan
Hingga kuada dalam asmara

Walau kusadari
Hanya buang waktu percuma
Karena telah ada batas antara kita

Kau ada yang punya
Begitu pun diriku
Kini kita mungkin jenuh semata

Reff: kau bukan untukku
Semoga kita pun memahami
Kau bukan untukku
Juga diriku
Sebelum terlanjur jauh

p.s. Dear He-who-shall-not-be-named, I am now writing a book about you. Wish me luck. And congrats with your new 'in a relationship' status with that cute singer.

15 February 2010

The Good Enough Guy: What are you looking for in a man?

A couple of days ago I read this article from the Jakarta Globe that struck me to write this post. And the term “good enough guy” makes me consider what kind of guy I am dating at this moment.

‘Good enough’ does not really seem good enough. This term sounds a little bit negative, because imho, good enough is not enough. For some women, a man must possess certain degree, position, or title. For others, a man must heritage family business, including the money, position and privilege. For a few others, a man must have excellent personality that will indicate that this man will not beat his wife nor lock her in the mansion to do nothing but being a good house-wife.

So, is it acceptable to simply look for a ‘good enough’ guy? Or in my case, is it okay to date a ‘good enough’ guy? Or should I look for the best guy to replace my current one?

This article states that often we have been too picky about the trivial things and not picky enough about the important ones – which is entirely true! Some time ago, I was indeed reconsidering my relationship: how my partner was not mature, how he should start being independent, how he was not very attentive and caring, how he should a little bit more jealous, and according to my mom, how my partner should have vision in life because at that time he was clueless about what he wanted in life.

So, there was this moment when I wanted a better guy. But, indeed, I failed to see the important attributes that he has alread have. He was very patient, very kind, very supportive, forgiving, cheerful, funny, hard-working attitude, and other things. I almost lost my partner because my failure to acknowledge the important ones that he already possessed.

In short, quoting from this article, “a guy is a package deal, as is any woman. Many women throw out the guy because they don’t like a part of the deal, even if it’s a pretty appealing deal overall.

If you are now at the stage where you reconsidering your relationship, your partner in particular, do not only consider the trivial attributes, like money, appearances, or status – yet look a bit deeper. Do consider his vision in life, his dream, your shared interests, what you both want in life, or how you could complement each other.

This tips also works for you who are still searching for Mr or Miss Right. The old say “don’t (only) judge the book by its cover” is really applicable for this case.

At least, this is what this article was saying, and what I have learned from my Mom, a relationship/family/marriage consultant.

Finding or dating “good enough guy” is not pathetic – it is maturity.

14 February 2010

Pluralism: My Version

plu`ral-ism (-noun)
condition in which minority groups participate in society, yet maintain their distinctions.

Today is Chinese New Year. Being Indonesian-Born-Chinese (IBC), my family has always been taking part in this celebration. No, we were not really doing the rituals, but as a child, I always had fun hunting Hung Bao (small amount of money put in an red envelop). Another memory about Chinese New Year is it was the time when my favorite cousines came from Malang. We would play; and they would possibly have sleepover.

It was my childhood. However, I cannot recall what happened when I was slightly older. But I still remember that my mom told me to be an Indonesian. She would say "Nia, you are not Chinese. You are Indonesian." Or she would remind me that I have to respect Indonesian people in spite of their attitude toward ethnic Chinese. She said "We have a confusing story. If we would say we are Chinese, we would be kicked out from this country. Thus we would probably be sent to China. But over there, we are not welcome either. We don't speak Chinese, we don't really look like Chinese, and you don't have Chinese name."

Hence the 1998 tragedy! Many Chinese-Indonesians were tortured. I don't even know what they have done to deserve it.

Some years passed and one miraculous day came when Gus Dus was elected to be the President of Indonesia. And it was the beginning of the acknowledgement of pluralism.

Until this very day, we are still in the learning process to not discriminate, to respect others' belief, principles or ethnics. But thanks to Gus Dus who declared Chinese New Year as a national holiday, we were asked to respect differences amoung us and be OK with that.

I was really touched when a very good friend of mine, or I would call him a brother, sent me a poem when he wished me happy chinese new year. Once again, thanks a lot, Kak Yoni.

Qolbu Pluralisme

Untuk sebuah nama
Mereka memanggilnya pluralisme
Pluralisme sebuah bangsa
Satukan semua asa

Tiba-tiba aku merasa lancang
Jika memanggil sahabat terbaikku
Terbaik hingga seperti saudaraku
Tuk ku panggil Cina, Batak, Melayu, Jawa, Arab
Dan symbol kebhinnekaan lainnya

Karenamu pluralisme
Kami temukan silaturrahmi
Tuk rangkai jalinan kasih
Sesama makhlukMu ilahi robbi

Kita memang ditakdirkan
Tuk menerima kehadiran
Keberadaan kita yang berbeda
Petuah moyangku tunggal ika

Dikala salah satu bagian tubuh nusantara ini sakit
Hamparan mutiara semenanjung lainpun merasa nyeri
Nyeri dikirim melalu syaraf silaturrahmi
Tuk hantarkan setetes embun manusiawi

Wahai pendahulu bangsa
Citamu takkan binasa
Cucumu tetap Berjaya
Gelorakan Indonesia Raya

Banda Aceh, 13 Feb. 10

11 February 2010

I (Never) Celebrate Valentine's Day

This coming Sunday is Valentine's day and also Chinese New Year. To be honest, I rather celebrate the latter than to get involved in so-called romantic activities withouth any purpose apart from wasting money and faking the love itself (oh gosh, I'm a downer).

How-e-ver, I have the love (the real one, I hope) and I have someone to share it with. Thus, I think it's okay to embrace that day every now and then. But still, I won't celebrate it! :P

To show that I am embracing Valentine's Day, I will share a very nice YouTube video, a cover of Kina Grannis' song, titled,... guess what,... VALENTINE! (what a coincidence :P).

I fell in love with the singers, with the song, and the lyric. So, here it is

Love, it's a special day
We should celebrate and appreciate
That you and me found something pretty neat
And I know some say this day is arbitrary

But it's a good excuse to put our love to use
Baby, I know what to do
Baby, I will love you
I'll love you, I'll love you

Love, I don't need those things
I don't need no ring
I don't need anything
But you with me
'Cause in your company
I feel happy, oh so happy and complete

So Happy Chinese New Year!
And enjoy your valentine's day if you celebrate it.


If you could marry a superstart, you would marry?

hm,... channing tatum? :D or Ryan Reynolds

You can ask me anything

10 February 2010

Quote of the Day

"I am a woman in process. I'm just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it."

(Oprah Winfrey)

2 February 2010

Wanna ask me something?

When are you gonna get married?

Who is your first love?

Have you ever eaten any disgusting food?

If you have to choose whether to live in Holland and have a good job or live in Indonesia and jobless, which one would you choose?



If you have some questions in mind that have popped up in your mind for some times, you can ask me. I would answer (hopefully) all of your questions, unless they are really dodgy or intimidating :P

So, click here to Ask Me Anything.

p.s. thanks for Ulm for the inspiration to log in to this geeky site.