Rambling about nothing (or maybe about something)

Today I felt so ill that I called the office and asked to have a day off. Gosh, my head was spinning. My body is aching. I don't know what to blame: the weather, my low antibody, or poor intake of food.

Instead of moaning, I guess I will write some aimless post that maybe can cheer both of us up: you happy to know my stories and me happy to can write something. Deal?

Okay, where to start?

Let's start with my current situation. No, not the ill, weak condition I am in now; but the current job hunting situation. Like Dita, I am too now searching for a job. I am currently doing an internship at Nuffic, but I will soon be gone. The project will be finished and so will my contract.

Job opening websites like LinkedIn, Undutchable, Monsterboards, and also Twitter have been my regular destination when I am online (especially to Twitter :P). I also visited the (so-called) biggest Job Fair in Holland, which turned out to be smaller that it'd always been, with much less exhibitors (definitely less than what they advertised. Sigh,...)

Althooough, it was such a miracle for me that I happened to meet the right people at the right time. I had some nice conversations with the exhibitors, we exchanged business cards with my CV :) and, now fingers crossed!

Yet, I will soon have little holiday in December. I guess (hopefully), I deserve it. After 1.5 years working very hard - to survive the sleepless nights, the tons of books I have to read, and very less social activities that I could attend to - I graduated! Thus, if you don't see me around at social media between December - January, you know I am not being kidnapped by fake secret agent (oops, the effect after watching Shooter last night) :P

Hm,.. what else do you wanna know? Marriage? hahahahha,.. no no no no, it's still faaaar from being prepared. Don't trust any other third parties that pretend to know something about our plan to get married. No, no, no, it's still very raw. However, I have been doing some research about when to get married, where, the cost, and of course, the most crucial aspects for me: photography, songs (band), gown, and make-up.

I really don't know what to share anymore, so I will end my ramble with my story and little snapshot of watching Rihanna live on Nokia.com last Monday. I have to say, it ain't that good. It was faaaaaaaaaaar from being personal. We had to wait quite some time before the show started (it was planned at 9 PM CET, but it started aroun 9.10, without any warning or earlier notification).

Jamie Cullum had done similar thing some weeks ago. And I have to applaude mr Jamie Cullum for that. It was intimate, he talked to the 'audiences', and even chatted with the 'audiences'. He played the songs that were requested by the 'audiences'. Ah, in short, it was cool!

Anyway, in the end of the day, social media is about intimacy, a personalised conversation with your customer. Hahaha, now the social media expert is talking!!

Here is a snapshot of Rihanna live on Nokia.

When I'm 64

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

All of Beatles fans must know this song by heart. Not as much as I love this song, I hesitate to think of what I would be when I'm 64. Never have I ever felt afraid growing old, yet don't you ever ask yourself how you would be when you are 60+?

Would I be very dependant? Would I be a whinning, old grandma that your grandkids hate? Would I be useless or paralyzed? Would I be a fat, weak old lady? In fact, would I still be loved?

Would I still know and feel love?

This improper thought had been creeping to the surface due to the facts that my boyfriends' family (mostly the female ones) are getting old but still look fabulous: slim figure, shinny appearances, and fit! You must have seend Sex and the City right? You can see some similarities in my relative-in-laws. The pressure definitely exists!

Some years ago, when I met my boyfriend's relative for the first time, the first question she asked me NOT what kind of work I do, or what are my hobbies; she asked this exact following question: how much do you weigh? I was speechless for some split seconds. When I got my courage back, the question I asked was this: which weight? body weight?

Some days ago, this question was again thrown to my face; this time by my mother-in-law to be.

Sigh,...

I wouldn't worry too much if my boyfriend was different. My boyfriend is also very concern with his weight, body, and physical beauty. Not that he is a metrosexual (I would have left him a looong time ago if he was a metrosexual kinda man :p), yet, he lives healthily and dress properly. While some women might be crying to have this kinda man, I would say that I feel quite worried.

I am worried that one day I would not be pretty enough that I could make him proud of me. I am worried that one day I gain some kilos that would make him quite embarassed to stand next to me. I am afraid that one day I have some disabilities that could make him feel frustrated (if you live in the Netherlands, you should watch the trailer of "komt een vrouw bij de Dokter". This might give you some ideas about what I feel). The bottomline, I am afraid that one day he wouldn't love me enough that I would feel unloved.

I hope you would tell me that my thought are so very unreasonable that I should stop thinking about them; and start thinking about something else - like job hunting :P

Magic Mascara

Ooops, almost forgot to share the "magic" that Dita has shared with me.

So I asked her the other day about the best mascara, cos I have used several brands, yet I had never been satisfied with one brand. My eyelashes are so soft and short thus I needed a mascara that can lengthen them and make them look pretty.

Dita - now I announce her as my fashion advisor - adviced me to use mascara from Maybelline. Thank God it was on special price at Kruidvat! Thus, I, with Stefy's help to choose whether I had to buy the 3x, 5x or 7x type, bought the 5x mascara from Maybelline.

And, it works verryyy well! I love it! My eyelashes are soo pretty now :)

Thanks dita!

In case you are also searching for a mascara, here is my mascara now:

Friendship forever

Friendship [frend-ship]: the state of being a friend [dictionary]

This word might seem meaningless for us 5 – 10 years ago. It was merely nice word that we put in the end of our e-mail or in our classmate’s memory book: Friendship forever. Yet, what does this word mean to us right now? How much time do we invest in building our friendship? Or how much time do we have to even think of friendship?

Last week at church, we were taught about having healthy relationship with friends. And I realised that I haven’t done anything to my friendships with any of my friends.

Based on the sermon, there are four sorts of friends: acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, and intimate friends.

And I notice that most of my friendship (levels) I have been downgraded: from intimate to close, from intimate to casual, and even worse, from intimate to acquaintances. These happened because first, distance (because I have moved from one place to another), and of course, quarrels or problems.

I feel embarrassed about this, also sad at the same time. The prior reason is quite acceptable (although with the technology that we nowadays have, it is no longer a good excuse), yet if the latter reason downgrades the level of my friendship, I guess there is something wrong about it.

And it is most likely my mistake.

I often runaway from problems. Also, if I have any quarrels with my friends, I will most likely put the biggest smile on my face, and “let it go” (which, in my dictionary, means bottle it up). These actions have big impact in my relationship: I lost my intimate friends because of this.

The sermon last week has made me realise that I should make peace with myself and try to settle this friendship issue, which includes: make peace with friends I have had problems with, reconnect with old classmates or friends (chatting, sending e-mail, or calling), and let go (as the real letting go action) tiny issues that had come between me and my friends and befriend with them again.

This resolution will be taken into my New Year resolution. Speaking of New Year, it is like 7-8 weeks before the new year begins. WOW!