25 January 2013

The unexpected wedding

Almost every girl has ever dreamt of her wedding day – what she would wear, who would come, who the prince charming is. I would say, every girl must have a certain expectation and standard when it comes to a wedding: it could be grand, small celebration, family only, destination wedding – you name it.

My dream wedding happens to me a small, close friends and family only wedding. If you grew up in the 90s, you would know a boy band called 98 degree. They had a song titled ‘I do’. If you search on YouTube, you will find the video clip, which shows a beautiful wedding ceremony. That’s my dream wedding! My whole life, I was picturing that.

Twelve years ago, I started dating this guy, who is now my husband. His family background is very different than mine. Among other things – which we thankfully have tolerated and worked on – the way to throw a wedding party is totally different. His dream wedding party is ‘tell the world I am getting married’-kind of party. Yes, he wanted grand, big, many people!

If you were me, would you reconsider this guy just because of his preference in throwing a wedding party?

I actually did reconsider for a split second, but I felt really silly. Why should I doubt him? The wedding is just a one-day celebration that will happen just like that. So, after several discussions, a lot of fights, and a couple of crying and shouting (it happened over the years, though, we have dated for 12 years :P), we finally settled on a medium-size wedding party.

I was quite happy with the agreement that we settled. Seeing many wedding movies, attending many wedding parties, I thought, I think it’d be nice to be a princess for a day.

Just right after I felt it might turn out to be ok, the drama happened!

Well, first of all to convince both parents to limit the number of guests is seriously a difficult job. Although my parents agreed with my style – small but enjoyable – they couldn’t simply limit the number of their guests: this aunt has to be invited; this neighbor has to be invited because he invited my parents when his daughter got married; an uncle of an uncle must be invited to respect him, and many more names and excuses.

Dealing with the in-laws should come as a separate chapter in any wedding preparation 101. I tried to understand their position being a well-respected family, successful businessman, but there were things that made me want to bang my head on the wall. Almost did.

Okay, guest list was one of the main problems. Another main problem was a reversed culture shock. I found it difficult to deal with the Indonesians, who left things until last minute. To be honest, most of the wedding vendors I had to deal with had this characteristic. It was a big issue for me, coming fresh from a country that keeps planning for everything – from drinking coffee until visiting your neighbor, from spring house-cleaning until how and when to commute.

Second is lack of initiative. Many vendors were kind of waiting for us, or waiting to be told, instead of taking actions. This problem happened mainly with the event organizer.

If I could summarize, the wedding preparation was started to be exciting, then it changed me into a very defensive person - trying to defend and realize my ideal wedding part, and it ended with I don’t give a damn attitude!

Sadly, with this attitude I walked in the aisle and vowed to be a faithful wife to my beloved husband. Guilty? No, I felt weak, defeated, cheated, hopeless, yet happy.

The saddest thing was, before the wedding, I had looked my fiancée-then in the eye, I cried, begged him if he could have done something to alter this reality. He was as powerless as I was.

Yet he chose to let go and be happy.

And I chose to be bitter and wanted revenge. I don’t know from whom I would get revenge on.

Maybe there was the problem.


Anonymous said...

The "I don't give a damn attitude" was the one thing that drove me to write this comment. I've only known you for a short while Nia, but I will always remember you as a cheerful yet still-human kinda girl, well perhaps it would be better to verse u as a woman now that u're married?
You might not remember me, but I know it'd be fun if i could have a life-long-friend like u. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Oh, and yes, I love this post "The Unexpected Wedding" - not that I love those to happen to you, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I understand how u felt. Totally do. Well.. have a nice journey ahead!

Oma Nia said...

Thanks for the comment. If you happen to drop by to this blog again, please let me know who you are :) i hope i still remember you