30 January 2010

2010 Resolution

Some people posted their resolution even before the clock went to 00:00 1st January 2010. I was not quite on-time for that. See my previous post what has occupied my time.

To be able to write about my resolution for this new year, I need to reflect on what I have done in 2009 and how 2009 has treated me.

To be truly honest, I am not really proud of who I was and what I have done in 2009 as a person. The hard life, difficulties, and bitterness that I have been through, have made me on one hand a very strong person - I was really tough. Yet, on the other hand, I was really too hard on myself and towards other people that were not 'strong' enough.

In 2009, I didn't let myself to fail. When I failed, I was breaking down and blaming myself. I didn't let myself to learn from my mistake and be better. I was trying reallly hard to be good, be the best, be perfect! You could see that during my Master education. I was 'punishing' myself to study 24/7. I didn't let myself to be distracted and have fun. Although the result of my hard work was satisfying, I realised I was too ambitious.

I also judged people based on how strong they were in life - whether they could persevere and fight. If they did not meet my standard, I would hardly judge them and mark them as 'weak' or 'spoiled'.

In result, I was not the most cheerful friend one would like to have. I became bitter. I left some of my friends because of disappointment and useless argument. I planted hatred in my heart.

See, I was not at my best in 2009.

My relationship with God, in result, became numb. Going to church, praying and reading bible were not that special anymore. I guess it was all the bitterness that came to the surface.

Also my relationship with my family was not that impressive. I became bitter with my mom that I thought was not loving me that much. I felt that Stefy's parents loved me more than my parents did. However, my relationship with my brother got better.

Yet, there were also some moments that could make me proud of myself. I engraved good marks on my Master degree certificate. I got some good experiences in my internship time. I got once in a lifetime experience to go to Bangkok, Thailand. I went back to Indonesia last December with my fiancee holding our Master certificate.

In short, it was my 2009. So, how could I be a better person in 2010? Here comes my New Year Resolution:

1. First and most of all, I will have a better relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I have started doing that already. I now do regular morning and evening prayers. Although I still cannot read the bible regularly, I read my daily devotional reading. I will be involved with a new bible study group, and... I am gonna help the Children ministry.

2. No judging! I will make peace with everyone that I have been bitter with. And the good news, although it is still the first month, I have made some attempts to do so. There is still one person that I resist to make peace with. But yeah, I am working on it! :P

3. To find the best job for me that will glorify my God, make my family and fiancee happy, and to be a blessing for a lot and lots of people - either it is in Indonesia, Europe or somewhere else!

4. Write a book! This has been my dream since a year or two a go. I am now starting the book. I will not yet tell you what it is about, but I can give you a hint: it's quite expected! And,.. yesterday, I wrote my first two chapters. Yay! Go Nia, Go Nia!!

5. Reading more study books and serious literatures. As I am now jobless, I will make use of my time to study and read serious books. I just started Lord of the Ring first book, the Fellowship of the Ring. It is a difficult book. It is! I need to make some time to read it further.

6. Be a good daughter, and to make my parents and siblings proud of me! No matter what.

7. To get ready for my wedding - mentally, spiritually, and of course for the PARTY!

That's all folks! Have a happy 2010. Wish me luck to meet these resolutions.

27 January 2010

My Little Journey to the Future

As promised, here is the full version of my journey in Indonesia:

There is not much to share if we are talking about my trip back to Indonesia, because the major thing I did was spending my time with my family. I arrived in the beginning of December, one day after Stefy was pronounced 'graduated!" from NHTV Breda. So it was a huge relief for us. We were cheering and singing happily in our flight. We couldn't sleep at all!

Since we'd arrived, until the first week of January 2010, I spent my time with my family. We went to Bali, Central Java and Jogjakarta. It was really fun! Of course because I went with my family, but also because I'd not been to these cities in ages. I remember the last time I visited those cities was when I just graduated from High School; it was like 8 years ago!!

There were some time when I also spent my holiday with my friends. Unfortunately I didn't have much time. I only went out with each group of friends only once! So with highschool group, I went to to visit wedding exhibition (NOT FOR ME!! :P) and had lunch. With my 'crazy' friends, we went out to have dinner at XO Suki. With another group of highschool friends, we went out to watch movie. Now I realise that I really didn't spend much time with my friends. Oops, my apology for that. I don't know why I was so clingy with my family this time. '

What I could say a lot about my trip this is how this trip has altered my future plan. It is interesting, really, how I see my future differently after this trip.

The first changed plan is that I am going back to Indonesia faster than I've planned. I was thinking of 3 -5 years, but then, I deceided to go home a little earlier - less than 3 years hopefully. There are so many reasons why I would do that. First is because I have to help my boyfriend to run his business. It is quite urgent, because the sooner is the better. Second is because I cannot be apart from my little sister any longer. You know, I had never ever cried when I said goodbye to my family in the airport. This time, I messed up! I cried a little in the airport, and was still crying (inside) in the plane, aaannnd, when still crying (as in water eyes and nose) in the train on the way back from Schiphol to Den Haag. Gosh, I was rubish this time!

So, that's the first changed plan.

Another changed plan is related to our wedding. I cannot share yet what the final decision is, because it is still changing every day. LOL :P But the good thing is it is approaching :) so we will no longer give you uncertain answer. We will get married soon. I have already designed the wedding invitation. I have contacted some pre-wedding photographers in Holland (yes, in Holland, because in Indonesia, pre-wedding photography is haram (forbidden by particular religious law)! :P). I have thought about the content of the wedding itself, and I am ordering preparation book to get married in Amazon.

See?! we are moving to the right direction.

And finally, the change I am working on is myself. This topic will be covered in the next post (I hope).

So, that's all folks!

26 January 2010

When You Say

Really lovin this new song from Gabe Bondoc, my favorite YouTube singer.

24 January 2010

And I'm back

Just to tell you that I am now back in Holland.

I will elaborate more on the next posts about what I have been doing in Indonesia and what I will be doing here in Holland.

And I'm officially back to the blogsphere. Thanks to the good internet connection.

19 January 2010

our last days in Indonesia

It's sad that we (Stefy and I) have to head back to Holland next Friday (22 Jan).

We have spent more or less 5-6 weeks in Indonesia. We have done a lot of things, from work to fun, from meet up some friends to family gathering. We have had lots and lots of joy and blessing here! We thank God for that!

Some people may cheer that they are going back to Holland, the land of freedom - the land where Euro is the currency, where the people do not bother who you are and what you do, where discrimination is none, where you can do whatever you want to do.

For me, Holland is a second home - a position that couldn't ever be replaced whatsoever. Hence the result it is really sad to go back to the second home and leaving the first one.

For us, Holland is a land where opportunities and challenges exist abundantly. However, we regretfully have to admit that life is extremely boring in Holland. Life consists of morning, afternoon and evening - divided in to sections that everyone has to be part of. Bread for breakfast and lunch, warm meal for dinner. Coffee time twice a day. Going out to club or cafe every weekend. And all set rules that most people follow.

We cannot fit in these set rules. Sometimes we love fried chicken and rice for breakfast. We wish we could enjoy instant noodle with fried eggs for lunch. and we eat rice twice or three times a day. We love to go to food stalls late in the evening. We wish we could find old man selling a bowl of porridge in the morning. We miss busy/crowded morning. I particularly miss the sound of adzan in the evening or early morning (maybe it's because I had lived in Aceh for a while).

Ah,.. those small things that make us always want to go home.

The most important reason why Holland can never be my first home is because of my little sister.

It is terribly sad that once again, I have to say goodbye to her, wishing her good luck and telling her to be good mommy's daughter.

My friends in Holland, I'll be home soon.

16 January 2010

All we ever do is say goodbye

Indonesia is in its rainy season. Some people said I am so lucky to be in Surabaya, especially, on this time of the year. Normally, the weather would be terribly hot, humid!!

So, I don't know whether it's the weather or it's just me being melancholic today, but this song from John Mayer's new album is my favorite. And, I reckon, this song should have been suitable to one stage of my life - a long time ago.

Thus, here it is: All we ever do is say goodbye.

I bought a ticket on a plane
And by the time it landed, you were gone again
I love you more than songs can say
But I can't keep running after yesterday

So why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

10 January 2010

Peepz it's me, remember?

I hope I haven't been away for too long.
and I do hope that you still remember me :D

Anyway, let me first say 'Happy New Year 2010'.
Wow, I cannot believe that it's already the second week of this new year. Time flies so fast!!

At this moment, I really wish that God would use the slow-motion mode to slow down the time. I enjoy my time so much in Indonesia. I have been to so many places. I spent so much time with my family (yet not too much with my friends - should do it these coming weeks). I have consumed so much food and beverages that I had wished to consume when i was in Holland. and now I hope that, at some points, time stops or slows down.

As it would be impossible, let me share some thing more realistic. So,... remember the job I mentioned in the previous post (which I wrote some weeks ago)? I wrote that I got rejected and I would look for another job, right? Guess what, it was a misunderstanding! I didn't know how it could be possible, but I got invited for the second interview.

I believe it's what people call miracle! Behold people, miracles still occur these days.

So, let me end this post by promising that i will write the full report of my trip to Indonesia this time by the time I get back to Holland, which is the 23rd of January.

Once again, Happy new year, all!