Some people posted their resolution even before the clock went to 00:00 1st January 2010. I was not quite on-time for that. See my previous post what has occupied my time.
To be able to write about my resolution for this new year, I need to reflect on what I have done in 2009 and how 2009 has treated me.
To be truly honest, I am not really proud of who I was and what I have done in 2009 as a person. The hard life, difficulties, and bitterness that I have been through, have made me on one hand a very strong person - I was really tough. Yet, on the other hand, I was really too hard on myself and towards other people that were not 'strong' enough.
In 2009, I didn't let myself to fail. When I failed, I was breaking down and blaming myself. I didn't let myself to learn from my mistake and be better. I was trying reallly hard to be good, be the best, be perfect! You could see that during my Master education. I was 'punishing' myself to study 24/7. I didn't let myself to be distracted and have fun. Although the result of my hard work was satisfying, I realised I was too ambitious.
I also judged people based on how strong they were in life - whether they could persevere and fight. If they did not meet my standard, I would hardly judge them and mark them as 'weak' or 'spoiled'.
In result, I was not the most cheerful friend one would like to have. I became bitter. I left some of my friends because of disappointment and useless argument. I planted hatred in my heart.
See, I was not at my best in 2009.
My relationship with God, in result, became numb. Going to church, praying and reading bible were not that special anymore. I guess it was all the bitterness that came to the surface.
Also my relationship with my family was not that impressive. I became bitter with my mom that I thought was not loving me that much. I felt that Stefy's parents loved me more than my parents did. However, my relationship with my brother got better.
Yet, there were also some moments that could make me proud of myself. I engraved good marks on my Master degree certificate. I got some good experiences in my internship time. I got once in a lifetime experience to go to Bangkok, Thailand. I went back to Indonesia last December with my fiancee holding our Master certificate.
In short, it was my 2009. So, how could I be a better person in 2010? Here comes my New Year Resolution:
1. First and most of all, I will have a better relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I have started doing that already. I now do regular morning and evening prayers. Although I still cannot read the bible regularly, I read my daily devotional reading. I will be involved with a new bible study group, and... I am gonna help the Children ministry.
2. No judging! I will make peace with everyone that I have been bitter with. And the good news, although it is still the first month, I have made some attempts to do so. There is still one person that I resist to make peace with. But yeah, I am working on it! :P
3. To find the best job for me that will glorify my God, make my family and fiancee happy, and to be a blessing for a lot and lots of people - either it is in Indonesia, Europe or somewhere else!
4. Write a book! This has been my dream since a year or two a go. I am now starting the book. I will not yet tell you what it is about, but I can give you a hint: it's quite expected! And,.. yesterday, I wrote my first two chapters. Yay! Go Nia, Go Nia!!
5. Reading more study books and serious literatures. As I am now jobless, I will make use of my time to study and read serious books. I just started Lord of the Ring first book, the Fellowship of the Ring. It is a difficult book. It is! I need to make some time to read it further.
6. Be a good daughter, and to make my parents and siblings proud of me! No matter what.
7. To get ready for my wedding - mentally, spiritually, and of course for the PARTY!
That's all folks! Have a happy 2010. Wish me luck to meet these resolutions.
To be able to write about my resolution for this new year, I need to reflect on what I have done in 2009 and how 2009 has treated me.
To be truly honest, I am not really proud of who I was and what I have done in 2009 as a person. The hard life, difficulties, and bitterness that I have been through, have made me on one hand a very strong person - I was really tough. Yet, on the other hand, I was really too hard on myself and towards other people that were not 'strong' enough.
In 2009, I didn't let myself to fail. When I failed, I was breaking down and blaming myself. I didn't let myself to learn from my mistake and be better. I was trying reallly hard to be good, be the best, be perfect! You could see that during my Master education. I was 'punishing' myself to study 24/7. I didn't let myself to be distracted and have fun. Although the result of my hard work was satisfying, I realised I was too ambitious.
I also judged people based on how strong they were in life - whether they could persevere and fight. If they did not meet my standard, I would hardly judge them and mark them as 'weak' or 'spoiled'.
In result, I was not the most cheerful friend one would like to have. I became bitter. I left some of my friends because of disappointment and useless argument. I planted hatred in my heart.
See, I was not at my best in 2009.
My relationship with God, in result, became numb. Going to church, praying and reading bible were not that special anymore. I guess it was all the bitterness that came to the surface.
Also my relationship with my family was not that impressive. I became bitter with my mom that I thought was not loving me that much. I felt that Stefy's parents loved me more than my parents did. However, my relationship with my brother got better.
Yet, there were also some moments that could make me proud of myself. I engraved good marks on my Master degree certificate. I got some good experiences in my internship time. I got once in a lifetime experience to go to Bangkok, Thailand. I went back to Indonesia last December with my fiancee holding our Master certificate.
In short, it was my 2009. So, how could I be a better person in 2010? Here comes my New Year Resolution:
1. First and most of all, I will have a better relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I have started doing that already. I now do regular morning and evening prayers. Although I still cannot read the bible regularly, I read my daily devotional reading. I will be involved with a new bible study group, and... I am gonna help the Children ministry.
2. No judging! I will make peace with everyone that I have been bitter with. And the good news, although it is still the first month, I have made some attempts to do so. There is still one person that I resist to make peace with. But yeah, I am working on it! :P
3. To find the best job for me that will glorify my God, make my family and fiancee happy, and to be a blessing for a lot and lots of people - either it is in Indonesia, Europe or somewhere else!
4. Write a book! This has been my dream since a year or two a go. I am now starting the book. I will not yet tell you what it is about, but I can give you a hint: it's quite expected! And,.. yesterday, I wrote my first two chapters. Yay! Go Nia, Go Nia!!
5. Reading more study books and serious literatures. As I am now jobless, I will make use of my time to study and read serious books. I just started Lord of the Ring first book, the Fellowship of the Ring. It is a difficult book. It is! I need to make some time to read it further.
6. Be a good daughter, and to make my parents and siblings proud of me! No matter what.
7. To get ready for my wedding - mentally, spiritually, and of course for the PARTY!
That's all folks! Have a happy 2010. Wish me luck to meet these resolutions.
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