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Cold Feet

One of my closest friends is getting married tomorrow
another one in May
another one in November.
and an ex-classmate is also getting married in April/May.

and, I dreamed about getting married last night.



I remember some months ago I was so enthusiastic with the idea of getting married. Although I knew that our relationship was not yet ready for that stage, I was so pushy to Stefy. I had asked him when exactly we would get married. Ah well, it was all the flashy things that I longed for.

Right now, what I want is to avoid it!

I am just not brave enough to throw myself into this new status. Don't get me wrong, I am probably just like any other girls out there who like the beautiful wedding gown, like to be made up, like to be the queen of the night.

But, have you ever considered what would happen after you wave off the guests and head to your own home, starting your new chapter of life? or what would happen after the happy chappy honeymoon?

Would we then live happily ever after?

I don't know.

I didn't go to school for that.

I have Bachelor and Master degree in Communication Management, but my boyfriend and I still ocassionally have miscommunication problem.

I don't have a degree in marriage life.

I don't have the formula of a successful marriage life.

What if I failed?
What if I couldn't be the wife my husband expected?
What if I would be the most awful Mom ever?
What if our relationship wouldn't work?
What if marriage is just a status and I should have not opted for that?

During my study, when you failed, you could take the resit, or if you suffered really bad, you could redo the class next year. Could you do that with marriage? Are there resits?


Broken Relationship


I sometimes wonder what's God's genious plan for me by showing me these broken relations I have seen in this 2 - 3 years?

I have a friend that decided to end her marriage because "it didn't work". I also saw some men cheated on their spouses, and in result damaged their marriages. There is also a woman I met, who said that she is ready if one day she has to get divorced (WTH?? At that stage their relationship has just begun and nothing happened! So, why even mention 'divorce'??). I saw some couple who rushed to get married and now regretted their decisions, saying "we should have dated a bit longer."

Please tell me that I just have this cold-feet syndrome that every couple would face when it is time to get married.

And I guess everyone has his own battle. If God allows us to get married, I guess He would guide us and be with us in time of need. Toch?

I hope I don't scare people with this writing. But, like me, I guess we really need to prepare our relationship and our heart, mind, and soul to enter this stage.

I hope we are brave enough to say "no" or "wait" to our partner when we feel that we are not yet ready to get married.
I hope we dare to ignore when people tell us to get married because of our age, or because of our status.
I hope we have enough dignity to not marry a man or a woman just because of their money, status, appearance.
And I hope we have God, friends, and family that can encourage us in time of cold-feet syndrome :P

Comments

the mouse said…
nia i think you should listen to those couples whose marriage really work, instead of focusing yourself on those who dont..

i agree that you have to feel and know that you are READY. But skip the what if's, because nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. what if's are not to be answered. if you want to figure out all the what if's in your life, you might not want to get out of bed at all :p

marriage is a new journey, you have to be able to trust yourself and your partner. itu dulu yg paling penting. believe and commit that both of you will talk, be open and honest to each other.

it's going to be a never-ending learning process, it does not mean by marriage then you live happily ever after, both of you have to work for it. so..those fairy tales are lying to you :p

but again, it's a journey with the one you love. that what makes it worthwhile. and the trick is also how to keep that love growing and maturing.

and i guess i can fill up dozens of hallmark cards by now :p but i thikn that you shud fill your time with preparing yourself (n stefy) for the next stage (if that's what your goal is), remember where u want to go nie, what u want to be, who u want to share it with.. n focus :p
pOe said…
T____________T
Oma Nia said…
Ulm, thanks ya. I guess the idea of it is just so scary. there is no turn back, no resits, no redos. Phew, its just so scary.

i agree that marriage is a continuous learning process.

anyway, i guess i just need to stop thinking. i guess if i try to be rational, calculating or studying a marriage as a scientific product, i'd be screwed! toch?

thanks for the encouragement *hugs*
bulan said…
hear hear the expert talking :D! yay for mbak ulms.

sometimes, i also get same feeling, the if's qs haunting, but i think, life is always push us to move forward. then ill try to move forward and giving my best, because i want to.

berjuang bersama to avoid this cold-feet syndrom yuks mbak nia :D
Hey nia...I dnt knw if you've changed your opinion bout this blog writeup...but...U must re think bout marriages. That's a beautiful bond betn a girl n a guy. Wait for your boyfriend as share such feelings with him so that he too can understand you n I wish u both get married asap. Good luck!

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